Still….

So lets look back over the month of July. Truly it has been a painfully eventful month. The month started off not too shabby, relatively quiet, started 3rd grade with C and Praise God, that was met with little argument once he saw how his learning books were different from his 2nd grade stuff, less rigid and repetitive. Then we hit the weekend before the week of Vacation Bible School….  Left sided chest pain and shortness of breath. Diagnosis from ER – Pneumonia/ Pleural Effusion…. HUH? Say what???

Then a week of VBS for C and I was a helper…  On the last day, I open the fridge and it yanks my toenail about 99% off.  Thanks to the Urgent Care center, the Nurse Practitioner was able to numb it and detach the rest of the nail from the cuticle…. Um, yes…  Can you say OUCH!!!!  many times over, right? oh Yea…

Then the following week, I was suppose to have doctor appointments Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday AND Thursday….  Yeah, NOPE. I made it on Monday and Wednesday….  the rest had to be rescheduled because I felt so lousy, and medicated, there was no driving to any appointments.

I thought I was the only person who could feel over medicated from taking Motrin…. Apparently not. Apparently I am not the only person who gets super drowsy when taking it around the clock for inflammation or pain…..  400mg every 4 hours, 600mg every 6 hours or 800 mg every 8 – 12 hours….  no matter what range I take, I am very dozey. A friend of mine who broke her toe says it does the same thing to her. I am like …..  WOW, I am not alone.

So I now I have a CAT scan scheduled to look at left lung to make sure the Pleural Effusion and Pneumonia is resolving/ resolved AND is nothing more ominous. Also its time to take the I-123 and do a whole body scan to make sure there is no uptake of iodine to thyroid cells anywhere in the body. Waiting on Nuclear Medicine to call with a start date for the low iodine diet.

C keeps asking to go visit his Mawmaw and Pawpaw (my parents), I keep putting it off and not really explaining why because I honestly can’t afford to go and he is already all about money, even though we don’t discuss finances in front of him, he is smart and is putting it together that we are stretched beyond human capabilities. Everything that comes in this house for food or to pay necessities is by God’s grace and provision. C understands that I am not working and not able to functionally work anywhere because of the continued problems/disabilities from the cancer surgery. My heart breaks that I have to make excuses.  This should not have happened. I should not have to make excuses.

Yesterday I had an appointment 50 minutes away, while I was there it started to rain. I had to drive in a heavy downpour with water pooling in the roadway because it was raining so hard and fast it had nowhere to go. I was praying so hard. So many times I had to say Jesus take the wheel, because the pain was so bad from holding onto the steering wheel and trying to keep the car going where it needed to go instead of where the pooling water wanted to take it. When I got home, I hurt so bad and my toe bandage (no nail) got wet getting in the house and after eating lunch with Mark and C, ended up weeping at the kitchen table. C was telling me, its okay mama. its okay, don’t cry. Mark was holding my hand saying its okay.  All I could do was weep and say, I’m okay, I’m just having a bad day, I should have woke this morning choosing joy, instead I woke and accepted melancholy.

Why do we do that? Why do we accept a hat that we didn’t choose? Makes our day much harder.  I have to remember When I choose JOY, God’s light SHINES from me.  I prefer the shining light of Jesus than any other hat I didn’t choose.

John 15:11 These things I have spoken to you, that My joy may remain in you, and that your joy may be full.

Romans 12:12 rejoicing in hope, patient in tribulation, continuing steadfastly in prayer.