Flying over the Cuckoo’s nest…….

Wow, 2020, huh? I don’t know about you but I am ready to see what 2021 brings.  I find it hard to believe I haven’t been on here since February. Alot has happened in 5 months quite frankly.  Not even going to mention that state of the people of this country and that craziness. Just in my own circle. Wild ride…. and I am ready to get off of it.

SO ….  I was suppose to have a CT scan in April to check the nodule in my lung for changes. Well, I decided to postpone that to June. Which was good, as I don’t think I was mentally prepared for the results at that time. In June the nodule in the lung has not changed at all, still there in all it’s small glory, worth watching and continued monitoring. However, there is interval development of anterior mediastinal patchy reticular nodular soft tissue mass. YAY!

New CT scan scheduled for September. Cancer scan and radioactive iodine 123 intake is scheduled for August after a clinic visit with Endocrinologist. Rheumatology appointment at end of July, Lab work at end of July. I’m tired.

I am trying to remember to keep a journal so I have accurate information to provide to rheumatology and Neurology appointments.  Maybe even help with PTSD from my surgery…  Why is it so hard to keep a journal? I think mostly I want to forget my pain and move passed it, therefore, why acknowledge it to write it down, it will just ruin my day by having me focus on the pain instead focusing on God.

I would much rather focus on God.  There, I find peace, comfort, grace and so much love, I am overwhelmed.  He has been calling me back to this blog for a bit, but I have been so tired and unfocused lately.

Through going to Celebrate Recovery at my church, I have discovered that I have to grieve the person I was before the cancer and surgery that left me disabled and grieve the person and life I thought my future was to be. I am working on that process.

Five steps to grieving:

  1. Denial and isolation
  2. Anger
  3. Bargaining
  4. Depression
  5. Acceptance

I am pretty sure I have 1, 2 and 3…  I believe I am in the process of coming out of 4 or maybe in the middle of it.  Not sure.

Stand with me in prayer for our Country, for our fellow brothers and sisters of the world.

Psalm 20:4 May He grant you according to your heart’s desire, and fulfill all your purpose.


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